By Eric Groves
Ten things I hate about everything
It’s not often that a piece of Hollywood rubbish inspires me to write (and yes, “Ten Things I Hate About You” was pure rubbish), but after wasting 90 minutes of my precious life watching this utterly ridiculous film, I’ve made up my own list of things I hate. They’re mostly things in the recent news that make my skin crawl or my blood boil. They are in no certain order of relevance. Without further ado…
1. I hate that priests all over America are being exposed as child molesters. I hate it even worse that the Catholic Church and the Vatican are trying to dismiss the problem as an “American” crisis. It’s further sickening to me that for decades, the Church has protected these monsters, and when Father Pervert’s secret sexcapades were discovered, oftentimes he was simply moved to another parish to shelter him from prosecution. Well here’s my solution: you want to take the oath of celibacy and serve God by being a man of the cloth? Then get castrated. That way there’s no chance of a priest morphing into a child-molesting swine.
2. I hate that we didn’t have any snow days this winter. Bummer.
3. I hate the war going on in the Middle East between Israel and Palestine. There will be no winners in this bloodbath, only hundreds more dead bodies to bury by each side.
4. I hate the campout system proposed this weekend for student basketball/football tickets. It really doesn’t give non-traditional students (like yours truly) a very good chance at landing seats anywhere near Freedom Hall or PJCS. Maybe I’ll pledge a fraternity. (Sorry, sarcastic lull there.)
5. I hate this time of the semester. Post-spring break, pre-finals. Talk about unmotivated and ready for these weeks to be OVER! Sheesh, will May never get here?
6. I hate that the Kentucky General Assembly recently dismissed a bill that would have removed many snack food machines from schools, and subsequently limited the amount of junk food junior high students could eat. Of course, the politicians involved said it wasn’t the “lobbying” of snack food industry giants that persuaded them ($ure it wasn’t, $enator). Personally, I don’t care who lobbied for what. Seventh graders don’t need to be lunching on Twinkies and Mountain Dew, no matter how bad cafeteria food may seem. They serve vegetables for a reason, junior.
7. I hate that President Shumaker took the job at UT. Personally, no way I could have taken that job for the sheer fact that I could never be associated with any school that proudly declares “Deer-Stand Orange and White” as its school colors. Good luck, Dr. Shu, and happy deer hunting in your new Tennessee cap.
8. I hate it that my beloved Chicago Cubs have started the season 1-4. Is it already too early to start the “wait ’til next season” chatter on the Northside?
9. I hate going to a restaurant and requesting a non-smoking table, only to have to walk through the smoking section to find your table in the clean air area. That makes sense. Who came up with this brilliant idea, Joe Camel? Brown and Williamson?
10. I hate it when you’re making a list and are running out of things to list with only a couple more things to go. Never mind, my rant is over.
Eric Groves is a junior English major and columnist for The Cardinal.
eric_groves@louisvillecardinal.com
