Patriot games

It occurred to me last week when I was picking up my usual stack of umpteen Cardinals to distribute to my family and friends that our paper was not alone. (Hey, grandma is ALWAYS your biggest fan, and even the distant family is impressed that I’m a ‘quasi-journalist.’)

Another free publication-appearing to be UofL-related-lay beside our independent newsly. “What’s this,” I pondered as I flipped through the lot of the 12 pages of the curious rag. Why it was competition from the Conservatives! Gadzooks! The righties strike back on the Belknap! Rush, dittoheads everywhere, and my former cohorts Jeff Snyder and Brian Shosten would be beside themselves with glee!

As I studied the fresh periodical further (I assume I can call it a “periodical” even though last week’s edition was the first in print), it dawned on me that there weren’t any pictures! I immediately felt ripped off even if the damn thing was free! Sorry to seem shallow on this matter, but face it, humans today are visual creatures with diminutive attention spans. How long would the average 20-year old spend looking at a newspaper with no pictures? I’m guessing not long. (Don’t blame me, I’m just like you, only a product of my environment, folks.).

But in all seriousness, I would like to compliment the staff of The Patriot on their work regarding the SGA elections. Thank you for actually gathering a copious amount of legitimate information about the candidates and reporting it to the student body. But I wonder, The Patriot used four of its 12 pages to “inform” its readers of each candidate’s agendas. Now I’m no math major, but that works out to 33% of the entire inaugural edition of the paper dedicated to last week’s election.

So what happens next week? Four pages on the election’s controversy? Or still no photos and only six pages or so of the right wing conspiracy theory banter we read last week? (The article on Berkley had me in stitches!) Still, the effort in the rival rag was several times better than that of my own employer. Wait, The Cardinal doesn’t pay us anymore, so I guess I can’t call them that.

Which brings me to the necessary evil of money. Even a small potatoes operation like a school paper requires the green stuff. And right now, there doesn’t seem to be an abundance of scratch to go around for trite things like newspapers here on campus. Can The Patriot possibly have enough loot to sustain themselves for longer than 3 weeks or so? I am certainly no expert about my own paper’s budget, but when my editors come to me and say, “Uh, sorry, no more measly little checks for your weekly efforts,” I sort of understand we ain’t got a lot of jack in the kitty. I also know our ad sales have been way down too, so that likely doesn’t bode well for our rivals either. But then again, The Patriot is conservative. Maybe they can get in touch with some of the fine execs at Enron about some extra booty.

But alas, there’s nothing wrong with some friendly competition. I hope this new paper stands the test of time and the very spirit of a new rivalry brings out the best in our own staff. So to the publishers of The Louisville Patriot, I bid you good luck, and hope that your fishwrap doesn’t undermine our faithful readership. Oh wait, we don’t have any damn readers anyway. Nevermind.

Hell, maybe I’ll just read The Patriot myself. It does have a crossword puzzle.

Cool.

Eric Groves is a junior English major and columnist for

The Cardinal. Contact: eric_groves@louisvillecardinal.com