By

Oh, you shouldn’t have.

Really.

Almost everyone has been the not-so-lucky recipient of a truly horrible holiday gift: a reindeer sweater from Grandma, underpants from Mom, school supplies from aunts and uncles.

Even friends giving gifts to friends – especially boyfriends and girlfriends – should take extra caution when shopping. After all, you probably don’t want to be hated because your gift is among America’s most unwanted.

Public enemy No. 1: the Christmas sweater

There is nothing more frightening than a gallant white deer staring back at you from within its box, its antlers sparkling with glitter and sequin snowflakes sewn around its hooves. What is one supposed to do with such an awful piece of apparel? It can only be worn a few weeks out of the year, and perhaps even the Christmas season isn’t a license to parade around with Prancer on one’s chest.

“It’s OK if you’re a grandmother giving it to a grandchild,” said Rachel Noble, a freshman whose major is undecided. “If you’re anyone else you can’t pull it off.”

Public enemy No. 2: underwear

Unless the gift-giver has a relationship with the recipient that allows the former to see the latter in his or her underpants, skip the skivvies. Underwear – the last layer of defense – is for many people a private affair.

“It depends on the type of underwear you get and who it’s coming from,” Kent School graduate student AmyJo Barron said.

She said that while a certain few items from a significant other might make great presents, undies from others do not.

Public enemy No. 3: personal hygiene items

Even if a girlfriend (or friend) is a regular bubble-bather, a box set of soaps, lotion and body spray from the local 24-hour-mart might not be the best gift for her this holiday. After all, what kind of message does it send when she finds pre-packaged cleaning supplies under the tree?

The same goes for guys. They know they stink. They don’t need – or want – you to tell them. Nor do they need you to tell them it’s time to shave their patchy beards, wax their untamed eyebrows or scrub their crusty elbows.

Public enemy No. 4: the XL t-shirt

Few things are more offensive than telling a friend he or she is overweight. Even if you both know that nothing smaller than a car cover for a Hummer will do, buy a medium and get a gift-receipt.

The recipient can exchange a garment for one of a different size if necessary, and your friendship won’t be weighed down by an indirect insult.

Public enemy No. 5: house wares

A person’s living space is his or her sanctuary. Don’t obligate a friend to deck the halls with a hideous painting or scandalous sculpture. It will likely just sit in the back of the closet until you come to visit anyway. Just before your arrival, your friend will quickly arrange the item to look like it is always on display, and when you leave he or she will toss it back among the coats and boxes until next time.

Equally bad gifts among house ware items include cooking supplies, unless of course the recipient is a master chef. Then again, if he is a master chef he probably already has more sauce pans than you knew existed.

“The worst gift I ever got was a soup ladle,” Barron said. “It was from my husband.”

Barron said giving someone a plain present – including a ladle – is evidence of a blasé attitude toward gifting. “It shows you didn’t put thought into what the person likes,” she said.

Public enemy No. 6: organizational supplies

A friend or relative might be late everywhere he goes. But there are alternatives to gifting him another leather-bound day planner, even despite its punctual appeal. Chances are if he’s late frequently enough to merit the gift from you, someone else has already presented him with a similar item.

Other functional items, like a watch with a timer or PDA, could help him get his schedule in order just as well. And you’ll save him the hassle of finding space to store a new planner book among his collection of other unwanted planner books from every previous year.

When victimized

So what does one do if an un-savvy gift-giver pops down your chimney?

Remember to thank the gift-giver for his her efforts. There will be another opportunity next year to get things right on both parts. Perhaps by then he or she will have seen this article and realized the error of his or her ways. You may also remember to drop more frequent and more obvious hints next Christmas season.

Until then, you have a whole year to break in your new underwear.