By
Last Sunday The Film Academy once again got it all wrong. While A Beautiful Mind walked away with the best picture statuette, there was no question in the minds of Americans what should have rightfully won: The Lord of the Rings. There are many reasons that I feel that LOTR was better than ABM, such as plot, an ensemble cast, and the amazing edge-of-your-seat special effects of director Peter Jackson. These things have all been highlighted by countless others, however, and I would like to offer some other arguments in favor of LOTR.
The most obvious reason that LOTR should have won is that wizards are way cooler than mathematicians. I mean this is in no way as an insult to people involved with math, but let’s be honest: if you were in a fight, whom would you want on your side, wizards or mathematicians? Mathematicians can only do math. Wizards have unbelievable magical powers. I knew you’d see it my way. The next reason that LOTR should have won is that it uses a range of accents from the British Isles, while ABM only uses some form of the American Southern accent. Although the Ret Butler Southern twang is charming, the John Nash accent is grungy. Perhaps I’m speaking from an American inferiority complex, but British accents are cooler than Southern accents, especially when the accent is coming from the mouth of Orlando Bloom.
Which brings me to my next point: Orlando Bloom. He is undisputedly the prettiest member of the fellowship and possibly the prettiest person in the movie (sorry, Kristin and Michael). Orlando does not appear in ABM, and I think that the film lacks something because of it. Orlando is not the only pretty face showcased in LOTR, however. All four hobbits are adorable, and Aragon has a great set of manly stubble. I don’t care what kind of hunk some girls think Russell Crowe is. There is no way he can compete with an elf, four hobbits, and a future King of Gondor.
Another thing that detracts from ABM is that Russell Crowe is in it. I admit that he gave a remarkable performance, but he wasn’t good enough to make me forget that he’s an arrogant, immature little Aussie child. When I watched LOTR I always felt like I wanted to give Sam (Sean Astin) a big hug whenever he came on screen. As I watched ABM, I only felt like I wanted to kick Russell Crowe in his big, smirking head. Which reminds me, why did I need to pay $7.50 to go watch Russell Crowe act like he was crazy when I could have watched him go crazy over not being able to recite T.S. Eliot at the Brit awards for free?
Luckily, this is not the end for LOTR. While ABM will be remembered only through countless Entertainment Weekly Oscar Edition Best Picture lists, LOTR will survive in a different way: through the adoration of its fans. While ABM will be sentenced to a future of sitting unwanted in the drama section of your local Blockbuster, LOTR will undoubtedly be watched over and over again by the slightly geeky yet loyal fans that propelled Tolkien’s novels to greatness.
Long after ABM is forgotten, such Tolkien works as The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers will remain popular, as long as there are people who can dream and imagine. And that is more valuable than any recognition given by any insignificant award show over which I have no control.
Claire Parsons is a freshman philosophy major and columnnist for The Cardinal. Contact; claire_parsons@louisvillecardinal.com
