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I don’t know if you know this about me, but I like to think. About what, you ask? It depends. I think about a lot of things, ranging from existentialism to “Jersey Shore.” Speaking of, could you imagine if Nietzsche were introduced to Snooki? Oh, the wonder!
Enough about me. Let’s talk about you. How was your summer? Are you ready for autumn’s 2010 semester? Don’t respond, idiot. I’m a statue and cannot answer you. Also, I really don’t care. I’m The Thinker. I like to think, not hear about your pseudo-troubles or how you feel that summer was “too short” and “not as good as you thought it would be.” You think you have it bad? Look at me! As the sun beats down on my weathered, seafoam-green body, I am left only to think about epic poems and observe the unfortunate state of modern culture. And to think I am placed within earshot of Greek Row. Truly unfathomable are my troubles. So I don’t want to hear about your petition not to pay for a meal plan or a dreaded blond extortionist. Just leave me alone with my thoughts.
I am far more perfect than you could ever imagine, more interesting than the Dos Equis guy and more charming than the Old Spice spokesman. Unlike that commercial actor, I look good just sitting down and thinking. And Dos Equis tastes like cat urine.
Are you beginning to understand? What a cross to bear, to be left with only my inner monologue! That is why I started this blog. Unfortunately, I cannot blog because I’m unable to use a computer. So my wisdom will now be printed in a medium deteriorating almost as nastily as my statuesque exterior – a newspaper.
This is not the last you’ll hear from me.
