By By Katie Walker
All right kids, I have a favor to ask all of you. You see, I was going to make this week’s article a sort of a Q & A kind of thing, but I realized I didn’t have very many Qs to A! So I implore you- please write to me and ask me some questions! I don’t care how out-there they are, as I have a received one or two whoppers thus far. And don’t think that I’d write in the article, “This question was submitted by [your name here]”, thus making you feel like a total dumbass. These questions will be kept completely anonymous, and, odds are, there’s at least one other person out there who feels the same way you do! So please email me at cardinal_sexpert@hotmail.com- I’d love to hear from all of you.
Onto today’s topic… Now, the observant students out there may have noticed that the title of this article is “Cardinal sins: U of L sex and dating”. The really keen ones have noticed that, thus far, I’ve pretty much only been writing about sex. So I thought I’d focus the next few weeks’ columns on the word behind the “and”: dating. Some of you have indicated to me that you’re not necessarily interested solely in sex, and you’d like some more information about dating, the opposite sex, and things of that nature. So, with the wonderful help of my friends Cupid, Athena, and Guru, I am going to give you, my wonderful readers and adoring fans, a four part dating guide that will enable every single one of you out there to get that girl or guy of your dreams.
Chapter One: Getting the Date
Question: How do I ask a guy out without sounding totally retarded?
Step 1: Plan a fun date with your friends, like putt-putt, an amusement park, or a carnival.
Step 2: Invite Mr. Man to be your date. It sounds really quite simple, doesn’t it? Tell him that you and some friends are getting together and going to/doing ________ and you were wondering if he’d like to join you. Keep planning group activities, but each time, dwindle down the number of friends until, eventually, it’s just the two of you. Odds are, if he’s willing to go with you on the first date, he’s at least semi-interested. Just make sure you actually have an activity planned first!
Question: How do I ask a girl out without sounding totally retarded?
You know, I once heard somewhere that guys actually fear rejection more than women. So girls, give them a break! But guys, if you’re going to act like total Barneys when you ask us out, maybe you should skip on down to the part marked “Dealing with Rejection”. Otherwise, read on.
The most important thing to do when asking a girl out on a date is to make sure she’s UNATTACHED. In other words, do your homework. Try especially not to mack on girls with huge burly boyfriends, or the only date you’re going to get is one with the ER. Other than that, it’s not really hard. A lot of girls would be flattered just to be asked out by cutie-pie you. Here’s a suggestion, though: be original. Don’t just saunter up to Betty at Friday night’s kegger and shout over the acid rock, “You wanna go out sometime?” Send her a flower (e.g. a tulip, lily, or a pink or yellow rose- not red… yet) with a sweet note. Try asking her friends about her interests, and find one that you like as well. For example, if she likes hockey and you live/eat/breathe the Redwings, utilize that common interest and ask her out to a game. The main thing here is just don’t be boring!
Chapter One and a Half: Dealing with Rejection
Problem: I asked Betty out and she said no. I want to die!
First of all, breathe! Secondly, smack your face into my palm (a la Jack and Karen). Rejection is not the end of the world. Did you know that 67% of rejections coming from girls are specifically because they’re already involved in relationships? If you ask someone out and they say no, it’s their loss. They’re missing out on getting to know a great person. I know it sounds a little high-school-counselor-ish, but it’s true, folks. Besides, think about it this way: if you asked out the very first person you ever had a crush on, you got together, and you’ll be getting married in May, you’d be missing out on a lot. (However, if this is your case, I’m not belittling it or you- kudos!).
If you are rejected and truly crushed, the best idea is to turn to your friends. Use that support system and milk it for all it’s worth. Maybe one of your friends will say, “Hey, you’re too good for Brian, anyway. Let me introduce you to Hans, my Swedish cousin!”
Finally, remember you are a person of worth. There is someone out there who will be your perfect match, and they will value you as much as you value them. Obviously, if Betty said no, she wasn’t right for you in the first place. Maybe the timing’s just not right. Whatever the reason, you can always use that old saying, “It’s them, not me”.
Stay tuned for next week’s chapter: Getting Ready for the First Date. Happy dating!
