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If there is a ticking time bomb set to destroy our way of life, it is the ever-imminent oil crisis. Anyone who has opened a newspaper or attended 4th grade science class knows that oil is a fossil fuel, and there is only a finite amount of it available for our use.
President Bush, much to his relief, is well aware that U.S. oil sources are not going to be depleted during his term (or, God help us, terms) in office, so his administration does not have to sully its popularity with unpopular long-term energy solutions. Instead, he proposes that we open Alaska’s pristine northern shoreline to oil drilling.
Environmentalists, fervent protectors of all things pristine, naturally want to guard the coastline from the impure presence of man. They tell us that the coastline is home to caribou, which, like panda bears and spotted owls, are magnificent, beautiful creatures that play an important role in the tapestry of life, and are, most likely than not, endangered. Endangered Caribou or no endangered caribou, drilling in Alaska is not a real solution to our nation’s oil dependency.
This cannot be emphasized enough! Say it out loud if you must: DRILLING IN ALASKA IS NOT A REAL SOLUTION TO OUR NATION’S OIL DEPENDENCY. It does nothing to help assuage our nation’s dependence on oil, if not the opposite. So since our President will not offer any true resolution to this problem, what is a concerned citizen to do until next election day? Why, participate in the new favorite pastime of left wing brethren, if not the nation: ridicule and blame the SUVers.
Nevermind if you drive a gas guzzling 1978 Chevy Nova POS. Ever since their surge in popularity, SUVs have become the true symbol of American conservation-be-damned excess. The advertising campaigns for these multiton behemoths usually show a rugged white male driver scaling rocky cliffs in his spotless new vehicle.
You can’t help but laugh when you watch a Ford Expidition pass you on 65 South and wonder if the driver’s envisioning himself scaling Mount Everest. Perhaps I’m being trite, since SUVs have become such an easy target for columnists, comedians and congressman alike. Yet….. 13 miles to a gallon?? With more and more of these… things… appearing on the road each day, obviously they have not been ridiculed enough.
While environmental extremists have chosen to arson SUV dealerships in such far-off places like California, I see this as a rather extreme form of protest, and somewhat self-defeating. Alhtough torching the gas-guzzlers before they hit the road may save precious fuel, the amount of toxins released in the air from the burnings might offset any environmental gain. Thankfully, the Internet provides the needed resources to send a message to these gas-guzzling roadhogs without having to face serious jailtime.
For those who are willing to sink to misdemeanor vandalism, please visit www.changingtheclimate.com, which showcases the “I’m Changing the Climate, Ask Me How” bumper sticker. They are available on the site for 25 cents each plus two dollars shipping in handling, and are guaranteed to satisfy the little anarchist in all of us as well as comfort our concerned eco-conscience. Simply order forty or so stickers, drive to your local mall parking lot, and apply them to the more garish SUVs you find (Expiditions and Excursions are the preferred targets). The site does advise you to “tag bumpers, not painted surfaces”, but I still am not positive about the legality of this action.
For those who wish to be more informative than antagonistic, visit www.baaction.org/SUVticket. The site gives you a prototype of a phony police ticket educating SUV offenders of their vehicle’s environmental recklessness. The ticket is, of course, modeled after a California citation, but a little modifying would allow it to fit any jurisdiction.
While artificial tickets may be less hostile than applying a more permanent bumper sticker, I question the value of placing yet another piece of paper under someone’s windshield wiper.
I am sure that the SUVers are well aware of the fuelburning tendencies of their vehicle, so I believe ostracizing may be a more effective tactic than informing. Whichever you prefer, though, until our leaders are prepared to grapple with the real problem of oil dependency, it’s much easier to thumb your noses at the hapless SUVers than installing a solar panel into your ’78 El Dorado. Why not make this your summer project?
Daniel Nelson is a freshman English major and columnist for
The Cardinal.Contact:
danielnelson@
louisvillecardinal.com.
