By By Katie Walker

All right, ladies and gents, your favorite Sexpert is back! Yes, that’s right, I’m back in business and better than ever. You see, the paper powers that be have bestowed upon me the privilege of a weekly sex column. Now, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out, some people will be quite thrilled at the prospect of weekly sex updates, whilst others are probably groaning in agony, remembering my last somewhat controversial article. But you know what? You can gripe and moan and groan all you want. Someone great once said that the best journalists are those that inspire others to become journalists. And after my “Daring places to do the deed” article, I stirred up enough emotion in some of you to cause you to write letters to the editor. Now how about that! So in honor of those of you who protest my carnal commentaries, I’ve set up an email account specifically for this purpose, so you can take out all your frustrations on me, personally, rather than hiding behind the shield of our opinion editor. (webmaster’s note:or the webmaster, who reviews all comments sent to the website and doesn’t appreciate being called whore, nazi, right winger, or bleeding heart liberal.) If you have any questions, comments, compliments, or concerns, please feel free to contact me at cardinal_sexpert@hotmail.com.

Before I endeavor to write about the wondrous matter that is SEX, I’ve decided to ask you, my worthy readers, a few questions pertaining to the direction of this column. What topics interest you? Obviously, sex is a rather extensive subject, and I do not have the time, or the paper space, to commit to writing about everything in the field. Are there any specifics you’re just dying to read about/find out about/know about? One of my “friends”, upon hearing about my newest assignment, promptly asked me to do a column on different sex positions, because he “would like to know which ones really do it for the ladies”. This brings me to my next point: raunchiness. I understand that by writing this article, I will undoubtedly be furthering my reputation as the “Resident Whore”, as noted by one of my “fans”. I don’t mind if you hate me simply because of the nature of this column, but I do not wish to destroy my fan base because my articles are too vulgar. So at the same time you contact me about what you would like to hear about, it would be very helpful if you would also mention which topics thoroughly disgust you. Please, please email me!

Now, since I’ve taken up nearly all of my allotted space giving you the background info on this newborn editorial, I will leave you with just one final contemplation. I was researching some sex stats on the Internet the other day, and I found out something very interesting. Did you know it is estimated that 90-95% of people masturbate (Though no actual studies have been conducted. After all, how and who and when and )? I absolutely could not believe this! I mean, 90-95%! That’s incredible! Who makes up the other 5-10%? Clergy? Infants? Unfortunately, the site (http://www.everybody.co.nz/sexfiles/faq_masturb.html) does not ascertain as to whether or not this is masturbation on a regular basis, or just a one-time rub/wanking. So, there’s your thought for the week.

Well, kids, as much fun as this is, I must be going. Happy romping!