By Venus Star
Is marriage the answer to loneliness?
“Spring is here, the sky is blue, birds will sing as if they knew. Today’s the day we’ll say ‘I do,’ and we’ll never be lonely anymore. Because we’re going to the chapel. And we’re gonna get married. Going to the chapel and we’re gonna get married…”
What a beautiful song, isn’t it? I think so. I always liked to sing it when I was a child, thinking of getting married to a boy in my class or some dreamy movie star. But that was when I was a kid. Now that I take a moment and look back on this song, I take it for what it really is: a beautifully written song about being giddy and getting married, but more importantly, a cry for help. Let’s take a look at some of the words more closely.
“Spring is here, the sky is blue, birds will sing as if they knew. Today’s the day, we’ll say ‘I do,’ and we’ll never be lonely anymore.”
Okay, the first sentence is fine; the sky is, in fact, blue, and I am sure that birds would sing if they knew. And the next sentence is fine as well; it’s just a statement. The last sentence is what bothers me, and it’s repeated more than once in the song: “and we’ll never be lonely anymore.” Think about that one again for me: “and we’ll never be lonely anymore.” Hmmm… being married will save you from loneliness. What a concept!
This song helps me explain today’s topic: why people get married out of fear of being alone.
My first thought is that many people actually do get married because deep down, they are afraid of being alone. The thought of being alone scares many people; they don’t want to grow old and live alone without anyone to be there with them on the journey toward old age. They don’t want to be that little old lady who has five or six cats or that old man who yells at the young boys who play football on his lawn. It’s a very natural and typical feeling. But people, please, getting married because you are afraid of being alone is not the answer. That is one reason the divorce rate is 50%!
Also marrying out of fear are those that have been in a relationship for so long that they think that marriage is the next step. Despite the fact that they argue constantly or they have little things that annoy them to the point they want to end it all, they stay together. They plan the marriage through the fights, never stopping to think that maybe, just maybe, it won’t work out. All this is spawned off the fear of being alone, mixed with a little bit of laziness.
They have been in the relationship so long that the thought of being alone scares them to death. For years, they have been with the same person, who has been there through thick and thin despite all the fights and annoyances. See, they never think to end it, because they are stuck. And what will result is a buildup of problems; then, in the thick of holy matrimony, the mother of all fights occurs and ends it. They think that if they have made it this far, they might as well keep going.
But what if this is not the right choice for you; what if there is someone out there that is your perfect match? The other part of this is laziness; people who have been in relationships for a long time don’t even remember how to get back into the dating scene or are too lazy to try. They feel that they have found someone (who just happens to bring them to tears sometimes) and they don’t want to waste their time looking again.
Let me tell you something; there is always another one out there. If you have a gut feeling that it is not going to work out, get out quickly before you’re stuck dividing up the property, the kids and the dog.
Venus Star is a weekly relationship columnist for The Louisville Cardinal.
