By Venus Star
The art of competition
I have figured it all out. I had an epiphany the other night, everyone; the relationship gods have spoken to me, and I am going to share this revelation with you. Every single relationship can be summed up in one word: competition. That’s right, competition. Everyone that is in a relationship has competition with each other. And it’s all natural.
It’s human nature to be competitive with those around you. Coworkers compete to be the boss’s favorite, friends compete over the opposite sex, men compete over penis size, and women compete over breast size. Husbands and wives compete over salary, siblings compete for parental affection, and friends compete to impress. Survival of the fittest is the basis of what I am preaching today. You are in it for yourself and no one else. It all comes down to what you can gain. And it may appear that the gain is for someone else, but it isn’t. Take a closer look at people’s intentions and you’ll see, just as I have, that it is all about personal gain.
And why? That is my question. Why do we compete with each other, to be better than someone else? Is it for self-esteem reasons? Is it to get love and attention? Is it to prove to people that you are so cool? Why? What is the point? If you are in a relationship with someone, any type of relationship, you are in it because you like the other person, right? So why is it so important that you compete with them? I have a billion answers to this question, and I am not going to bore you with them all- just a few.
The biggest factor in this is the fear of rejection. People are afraid of being rejected and left to believe that they are not good enough. I am afraid of rejection, and therefore do not put myself into situations where I can be rejected, but not everyone is like me. In other words, people are competing every day for something, and the underlying theme here is fear: fear of losing a job, a friend, a loved one, etc. Fear is something that resides in us all; it is inescapable. FEAR. We all have fears and we all avoid coming face to face with them, and if that means using another person to better yourself, then so be it. Why torture ourselves
and our friends?
Another reason people compete is to better themselves in their own eyes: to use another person’s misfortune to make ourselves feel better about who we are. You purchase a better car, get a higher test score, have the cuter boyfriend/girlfriend, purchase the latest fashions first, etc. People are constantly one-upping each other. You know what I am talking about, too. It’s a time for friends to sit around sharing gossip and personal accounts, with the next story always trying to top the one before. “Oh yeah, you think that’s quality, let me tell you what happened last weekend…” Sure, it makes for a interesting conversation, but come on, guys, why must we make ourselves better than our peers? They are our peers for a reason, we are just like them. Just accept it and have a good time.
This takes me to another thought: have you ever noticed this pattern of friendship? People tend to be friends with someone who is not as pretty, as smart, as funny, as rich, as popular, etc. It’s not just because they get along like PB and J; no, it’s because they use that other person to boost their esteem. Look at all the great movies; there is the attractive star and the less than desirable sidekick. People are naturally attracted to that which makes them feel good about themselves. Sometimes we date people or hang out with people that are seen as better than us, but that fact alone makes us feel good about ourselves. The fact that we know that we are good enough to be seen as important to someone we look up to. Don’t get me wrong, people; I’m not telling you this to accuse your best friends of liking you because you make them look good or accusing you of having friends to make yourself look better. I’m just picking up on these unintentional behavior patterns in relationships and trying to understand why we do it.
I have to tell you, competition makes for interesting relationships-there is never a dull moment. If you don’t agree, write a letter. I’d love to hear your perspective.
