By Venus Star
Don’t interfere with male bonding
The headline can be a bit deceiving. I was not trying to interfere with male bonding; it just happened. Male bonding is a time for men to grunt, scratch themselves and burp. It’s their time to talk about T&A without getting slapped in the face, it is a time for them to argue about sports, and it is a time where they can do whatever they please without a woman giving them the evil eye. Male bonding; it occurs all over the world, at poker tables, bars, fitness centers, football stadiums, and in front of big-screen TVs. Women are not allowed.
I have been classified with my male friends to be “just one of the guys.” They can say the most disgusting things, and I am not bothered by it; it’s one reason I am a regular on poker night. I have known these boys almost five years, and we know each other inside and out. Things were fine until one of them started dating my best friend. All of a sudden, it is a crime that I hang out with them, attend their soccer games and join them at bars after work hours. I guess now that he is dating someone very close to me, I will reveal all their deep, dark, disgusting secrets, and it will be a huge turnoff to her. Well, okay, it would be a huge turnoff to her. But I do not tell her what we talk about while betting money on Monday nights, and I do not tell her what stories they tell me while sitting in front of the big-screen while watching a hockey game. I do not tell her the stories from their recent trip while we sit around and play Madden on X-Box.
I never realized how important male bonding time was until he got so upset. I came in late one Monday night, and he was sitting at the head of the poker table. He starts huffing and puffing when I walk in and says, “I came here to get away from Judy and now I have to put up with you.” No, he was not joking either. I didn’t say a word, but let the other guys take up for me, asking him why he was being such a “dick” to me (remember, they are vulgar when alone). That was the first time that it occurred to me, since he and Judy began dating, that being one of the guys was going to be a problem.
Every Wednesday night, the guys play soccer. I don’t really get the game, but going and cheering has been a ritual for me for the past four years. One of my male friends keeps me posted on what time the game is each week. Recently, I overheard Judy’s boyfriend tell the other guys that he never knows what time the game is on Wednesday; Judy usually tells him, and she finds out from Venus. The guys all start laughing, “Ha ha ha.” That is not what bothers me; what bothered me is what came after that. He said, “How come Venus hangs out with my friends more than I do?” Could it be that he is too consumed with his girlfriend to spend any time with us? I chose not to get into an argument with him; I just went on as if nothing has changed.
Then he attacks me from other angles; accuses me of hanging out with them so I can try to hook up with all his friends (too bad three of the five have girlfriends, and the other two are not my type). He uses this as a tactic to get me to not hang out so much; embarrass me in front of the guys, make them think I am after their goods. But I guess what I really think does not matter. That is what I am preaching today. Do not try to interfere with male bonding. Even if they think that you are “cool” enough to listen to their vulgar talk, comment on who’s got the best T&A at the moment, and which basketball team will win the NCAA championship this year, don’t do it. Don’t get pulled into the world where women are not allowed. It might seem harmless at first, but in the long run, it will do damaging things to your brain.
Seriously, men should be thanking me and showing this to all their girlfriends. Men need their bonding time. They need their time with their fellow male buddies to, how do I phrase this, take a break from boyfriend/girlfriend time. It’s their time to let it all hang out, to let their guard down and not worry about saying or doing the wrong things. Face it, ladies, we are uptight about how our men act around friends, act in public, and God forbid, act alone, so let them have their downtime and don’t complain about it. You get your girls’ night out to talk about how sexy Brad Pitt is in his new movie and who was wearing the hottest outfit to the Emmys, so let them sit around and look at T&A in Playboy and talk about their favorite quarterback.
Venus Star is a weekly relationship columnist for The Louisville Cardinal.
