Can men and women be (just) friends?

By Venus Star

Can men and women be (just) friends?

Adam is my best friend. He has dated several of my gal pals, had make out sessions with all of them, and yet there has never been anything between the two of us; our lips have never touched. I met him through my best friend; we were sophomores in high school and she thought that he was the hottest thing since string bikinis. She introduced us and I didn’t think he was “all that.” My friend begged and begged me to get them together, so I did my friendly duties, hooked the two of them up and made a friend I would still have nine years later.

Now don’t get me wrong, Adam is attractive now, in fact he is one of my sexiest male friends, but there just isn’t anything there for us to work with. We get along great, as friends. Nothing more, nothing less, just friends.

I have to admit though, there were times when I felt attracted to him, but when I look back on those rare occasions, I was single (and had been for at least six months) and was feeling lonely. Adam seemed like a great solution to my misery. Adam didn’t feel the same way; he was always chasing after some blonde Barbie look alike. So I got over it and found another crush. We never let it interfere with our friendship, and personally I am happier that way.

So how can two people, one male and one female, just be friends without the love and lust getting in the way? It’s hard, I’ll admit that, but it can happen. First of all you have to have patience and confidence in yourself that you can just be friends. It’s nice to have a friend of the opposite sex that you can talk to about anything under the sun and not be embarrassed to pee or change your clothes in front of them. When you have a friend that you have dated or want to date it’s difficult to be fully honest. Having a best friend of the opposite sex is like having a key to this secret lair where male and female secrets are kept.

You don’t have to be a Will and Grace to have the perfect male and female friendship. And by the way there were a few episodes when even Grace was attracted to Will with hopes that the two of them could find happiness. In this situation, as well as all other situations, one of the two will not be attracted that way to the other person causing heartache and often failed friendships.

If you don’t hook up from the start and there is the slightest inkling that it will not work long term, then don’t even attempt a relationship. Adam and I were not initially attracted to one another, and even throughout the nine years of friendship that attraction didn’t spark, and because I didn’t pursue him in my moments of loneliness, we are friends without discomfort and embarrassment.

Now, let me say a few positive words on dating your best friend for those of you who are thinking I am off my rocker on this one. You have to be best friends before you commit to a lifelong relationship, but be aware beforehand if it is worth the risk of losing the friendship. My best female friend, the one I spoke of earlier, is engaged. She and her fiancee were best friends long before they were an item; however, be aware that there was sexual, physical and emotional attraction when they first met. If there isn’t that initial attraction when you first meet, more than likely it is a doomed relationship. Now, I know that you can be friends with someone who you may have first found to be far from your type, and then later found that they have grown on you and that he/she is the man/woman of your dreams. But folks, that rarely happens and usually only in the movies.

So let’s review this week’s lesson. Best friends turned lovers, not a good idea. The risk of losing a best friend of the opposite sex to see if there is any chemistry is not worth it. Be true friends and just remain friends, don’t let lust get in the way of a lifelong commitment. This will be one decision you won’t regret.