By Charles L. Westmoreland
It’s been a long time since I was a freshman. South Park was in its first season, the Florida Marlins won the World Series and Junior’s presidency was nothing more than a twinkle in George Sr.’s eye. Yes … it was that long ago. Before writing a column for incoming freshman, I rummaged through my old photos looking for inspiration, or perhaps I was just searching for a way to remember what it was like to be 18 and entering college. Looking back on my own experiences, I realized how many life-lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way, and how many had to do with drinking. Alcohol and college life are an old married couple. At most colleges, freshman have unprecedented access to alcohol, and many take full advantage of it. I’m not one to preach sobriety because, during my first year in college, I worked as a bouncer in one of the local Greek bars. One of the fringe benefits was all the free draft beer I could drink. Amazingly, I kept the job for two years until the lifestyle finally caught up with me. But I’m not advocating boozy sprees either; I just know that it is part of the college experience that almost everyone deals with sooner or later. One of my favorite sayings is: “Intelligence is learning from your mistakes, wisdom is learning from the mistakes of others.” Judging myself by this standard myself, I’m full of worldly intelligence, but I’ve made very few wise decisions. But, since I’m a nice guy, I’ll share my “intelligence” in hopes that at least a few of you might be wiser for it — take it or leave it.• Drinking is a lot more fun when you can remember it. Don’t drink to the point where you pass out or black out. If you’re going to drink, take it easy until you figure out what your tolerance is.• There are no drinking awards. Participating in drinking contests (this applies more to the future Greeks) is just plain stupid. There’s nothing celebratory about wretching over a toilet seat that will later be used as a pillow. Also, a keg stand only looks cool to those waiting in line to do one themselves. • If you do drink to unconsiousness, try not to pass out in strange places. Nothing good can come from it.• Avoid CUI, or calling under the influence. Cell phones should have breathalyzers. Sober people don’t like taking calls from drunk friends trying to convince them to come out for beer and hot wings, especially at 3 a.m. Tuesday morning. And whatever you do, don’t get soggy and call up your ex in the wee hours for a reconciliation. This is always bad, bad, bad. • Try to keep your big mouth shut. After drinking too much, you may embarrass yourself by talking loudly and at length about anything that pops into you soaking-wet head. Practice drinking while biting your tongue, or be prepared to apologize to everybody you went out with the next day. • The “don’t drink and drive” line has been done to death, but few have been warned about walking or bicycling while drunk. Walking home loaded at night may find you waking up on a soccer field in a downpour caked in your own hurl. Bikes can also be dangerous, especially if your too crosseyed to make out curbs and trash cans in the dark. Find a ride.• Last, but definitely not least, always remember: anything you say or do can, and will, be used against you in a circle of friends, among family, and of course, in a court of law. Charles Westmoreland is a senior majoring in English and is News Editor for The Cardinal. E-mail him at: cwestmoreland@louisvillecardinal.com
