By Jessica Hickerson
Classic Madonna ruined by Osbourne daughter
Back in 1989, when pop icon Madonna was still trying to find out What It Feels Like For a Girl, she released a controversial track entitled “Papa Don’t Preach.” Now, 13 years later, a certain pink-haired, negative, “wanna be like my daddy” 17-year-old has covered the Madonna track and is giving the public one more reason to find her disgusting.
Kelly Osbourne, daughter of rock superstar Ozzy Osbourne, has taken it upon herself to remake one of the Material Girl’s most famous LPs and turn it into a more edgy waste of three or four minutes. What I don’t understand is why. Why would Osbourne take such a fantastic, ORIGINAL track and turn it into something painfully hard to listen to? Well, the answer to that question is easy: with a little help from Daddy Ozzy, anything incredibly stupid can and most likely will be done. The “Papa Don’t Preach” track is a perfect example of just that.
Slated for this fall, the Princess of Darkness will be releasing an ENTIRE solo album to accompany her single. Yes, that’s right…a whole CD of 12 to 15 “songs” (if that’s what you call them) that should never be made and no one should be forced to listen to. One must wonder if any of the songs on her album will actually be written by her, or if the album will merely be a collection of others’ hits that she has chosen to ruin.
Now, I do realize that Kelly Osbourne comes from a “musical” family. However, I have never considered her family musical. Screaming indiscernible garbage into a microphone is not my idea of music. Furthermore, just because Kelly Osbourne has a famous daddy does not mean she has to follow in his footsteps.
The “Papa Don’t Preach” track in question is climbing the Top 40 charts, but its minimal success is more likely due to both the MTV show “The Osbournes” beginning its second season or the release of “The Osbournes” soundtrack. Despite all the hype, the soundtrack, like Kelly Osbourne’s single, is, I am sure, a complete letdown. Yet incomprehensible teenagers buy into Kelly Osbourne and her absolute craziness because some say Kelly “relates” to them. Osbourne isn’t an 85-pound, blonde hair, blue-eyed pop princess, so people think that they can relate to her. However, most teenagers don’t have pink hair, get to live in a mansion, or get censored for every other word they use. I see very little relation between Kelly Osbourne and her fans.
She is, in actuality, no comparison to Madonna.
During the past two decades, Madonna gave and is still giving the public songs that inspire and motivate changing women. Madonna symbolizes open discussion of topics some people find taboo or controversial, because she has more than likely already sung about it. She has sung about it all, from sex to drugs to pregnancy to heartache, and continually breaks down the barriers surrounding the unspeakable issues. Hence, “Papa Don’t Preach,” a Madonna classic that should have stayed a Madonna classic and not been covered by an eager teenager looking for even more fame and fortune than she’s already got. Remaking a Madonna hit is just saying “I can’t write a hit myself, so I will just use someone else’s.” Write your own songs, Kelly. We all know you have nothing better to do.
Despite her lack of musical skill and originality, the prediction is that Kelly Osbourne’s popularity will increase as the release date for her album draws nearer and the second season of “The Osbournes” begins. Maybe she will begin touring and become just as famous as Ozzy. If all the songs on her album are like her single…well…I don’t think so.
As for myself, I will continue to play the original version of “Papa Don’t Preach” in all its glory. As for Ms. Osbourne…well, she says “I am kind of crapping myself because I don’t think I’m a very good singer.” So quit singing and leave it to people who can.
