By Abby Rathbun
David Letterman has a top 10, but I have a top 20 of my best advice.
1. Always cram 20 minutes before an exams.
2. Leave your door shut. You probably wouldn’t like the people across from you anyway.
3. Never wear shower shoes. Who doesn’t love foot fungus?
4. Don’t bother to read for your classes. It’ll never show up on exams anyway.
5. Save all your meal card money for the last week of school. Who doesn’t want that much junk food to take home to mom and dad?
6. Skip classes. It’s college; it’s not like they expect you there.
7. Spend all of your time on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend back home. You won’t miss anything.
8. Don’t go to sporting events. They’ll never be any fun.
9. Don’t buy an umbrella. It never rains.
10. Don’t buy rain boots or learn how to roll up your jeans. Campus never gets swampy.
11. Don’t sign up for any clubs or activities. You’d probably hate all those, too.
12. Never show up for events at the Red Barn or around campus. It’s not like they give out free stuff and free food all the time.
13. Especially don’t go to Opening Weekend Events. They weren’t especially planned for first-year students or anything.
14. Always be loud at 3 a.m. Your hall mates will adore you.
15. Walk alone at night.
16. Park wherever your heart desires. And they don’t really mean you have to hang your permit the way they tell you to.
17. Lock yourself out of your room at least once a month. RAs love it.
18. Stay on Facebook 24 hours a day.
19. Never clean up your room. It can be a game. “What should I name this roach?”
20. Only talk to friends from high school. Who has time to make new friends?
And one other thing, don’t always listen to people offering advice.
Abby Rathbun is a sophomore majoring in political science. E-mail her at opinion@louisvillecardinal.com.
