By Abi Smith
If you see a huddle of presumptuous, inattentive, pompous and bravely obnoxious morons on campus, they’re likely professors. And since the university will soon hold a student forum asking “What Makes Great Teachers Great?” — may I say, “Not them!”
But wait, I’m a political scientist. I shouldn’t generalize. Let me clarify, then: Only some U of L professors are smartasses. But once you’re near them, you’ll instantly know them. They suffer from PDP …
Post-Doctoral Psychosis.
They’ll overly generalize about current students based on experiences with past students. They’ll assume that every black student must be verbally and quantitatively unskilled, that every female student must be scientifically lacking, or that all students of any stripe have been walking through life just waiting to have their already-proven academic prowess validated by self-anointed scholarly majesties.
They’ll tell you, “Be consistent, focused, precise, and, uh, what was your name again?” They’ll climb over a dying child to make sure that those journal articles get to their publishers on time. They’ll indulge gratuity, but claim to be concise. And when they do come out of their conceited, pseudo-intellectual shells long enough to notice campus problems, they don’t fix those problems; they just hide in their offices. They’re lazy.
And there’s more. …
If they perceive vulnerabilities in their students, they try to exploit them, wielding what little power they think they have with vindictive, superior, careless flare. They think that a Ph.D. or J.D. equals “Honor Me.” They devalue independent thought and really hate it when students stick to their guns. (They’ll even throw fits on this score.) They love to blindside their pupils with unnecessarily sarcastic, malicious and rude comments; they’re cowards with advanced degrees. And the nicer you are to them, the worse they act. These folks aren’t just bad professors; they’re bad people. Thank God, though, that they’re not in the majority.
Great professors –— of whom U of L has many — show you the ropes without strangling you with them. They’re selfless and helpful, critical but not abusive, friendly but not obsequious. They listen. They would never doubt your abilities, ignore or distort your academic background, hold grudges over ideological differences, or make you grovel. There’s no condescension, snippy-ness, or Sybil-esque personality switches. They graciously impart their knowledge. They’re willing to admit when they’re wrong. Their word is their bond.
And they’re not just great instructors; they’re also great people. I work for two of the very best. But the vultures who give good professors a bad name are still flying low enough to bite, and we students must watch our backs.
But I’m most concerned about those students who lack self-confidence. I am thick-skinned when it comes to moving through the world of academia; this can be an intimidating environment, especially if you don’t have a well-tuned B.S. filter.
The best way to handle bad-seed profs, though, is to understand that since they didn’t make you, they can’t break you. They’re nothing more than naysaying “constituencies of one.”
And don’t let their highfalutin titles scare you, either; in the non-academic world, they’re just called “jerks.”
When everything’s said and done, you’re not responsible for their mood swings or lack of tact. When they hit below the belt, just consider the source. And if none of this advice strikes your fancy, just quietly comfort yourself in knowing that you’ll be happily successful one day … while they’ll all still be here.
Abi Smith is a graduate student in Political Science and a columnist for The Cardinal. E-mail her at: asmith@louisvillecardinal.com
