By Ryan Parker
Bowling: the sport of kings
It began with the ancient predecessor, “Throw this rock and knock down that stuff over there,” and has since evolved into what we call “bowling.” There may be no greater sport to participate in today than that of bowling, especially for the average college student.
Bowling, unlike golf and spectator sports, requires little money and skill. Well, spectator sports don’t really require skill, and bowling kind of does, but you get the idea. You don’t have to be good at bowling or spend a lot of money to enjoy yourself for a few hours. Bowling blends competition, camaraderie, and most of the time, beer. The beer can get a little pricey in bowling alleys, but I bowl better when I’ve had a few. Or at least I’d like to think I do.
I like bowling so much, I’ve been twice this week. High score for this week: 170, which is not too bad, considering I don’t use the wondrous fingertip ball. I really should learn to use this fingertip ball. It’s supposed to give you better break and control when you throw, which will increase your score tremendously. This is something I’ll most definitely need to do if I’m to join a league at some point. I haven’t been in a league since I was like eight years old, but I think I’d like to return. There’s something about bowling- maybe it’s the smoke, or the noise, or the really rowdy rednecks in the lane next to you- that I just can’t resist.
I think it was the movie Kingpin that revived my interest in bowling; Bill Murray and Woody Harrelson made bowling into art. The characters they portrayed were so zany and exaggerated, but they somehow seemed believable for professional bowlers. The world of bowling attracts a diverse crowd, but everyone is always having fun. Bowling is fun. Fun is bowling. Let’s Bowl. That was a funny television program. It used to air on Comedy Central, but I think it’s been cancelled. The bowlers weren’t even that interesting, but the hosts epitomized everything I’d expect from bowling commentators.
A few weeks ago, I finally saw The Big Lebowski, and the circle was complete. Though the movie isn’t actually about bowling, much of the movie occurs in the cozy confines of a bowling alley. Again, the people attracted to bowling alleys make for some great comedy. Who can forget the Dude, Walter, Donny, and The Jesus, played aptly by John Turturro? These are the people who breathe life into bowling. They are the reason we return to the alleys week after week. We all want to see these freaks in real life; well, I want to see them in real life.
You almost certainly must go during league bowling to see these folk, though. I’m sure they wouldn’t mesh well with the teen crowd there for “midnight bowling” or “cosmic” bowling or “Ooh, look the lights are off!” bowling. Talented University of Louisville music student, former league bowler, and good friend of mine Chrissy Morris agreed, adding, “If I were an anthropologist, I think I might examine this world of bowling more closely; you might even say bowlers have their own little culture.” And she’s right. They have their own jargon, unique tools of their trade, and some speculate that the first high-five occurred during a bowling game; err, I speculate that the first high-five occurred during a bowling game. Really, people give each other high-fives, like, every time someone gets a mark, which is a strike or spare for those of you who don’t know.
Ah, bowling. I really need to get back into a league sometime soon. I can’t go very long without wanting to bowl again. But pretty soon, I’m going to learn how to bowl well. There will be no more Andy Amateur for me. I’m headed for the big time. No, I’m not joining the PBA, but someday you’ll go bowling with a few friends, and you just might see my name posted on the wall of league records.
