By Venus Star
The fear of commitment
Okay men, here it is, a column that sees your side of the story. Commitment is one of man’s biggest fears. Let me assure you that you are not alone. You’d be surprised how many women out there who share the same opinion. But commitment is not limited to relationships; it goes as far as committing to friendships, pets, work and responsibilities at home. I have a hard time committing to anything. There, I said it. That wasn’t so hard. Now you try. “I have a hard time committing to anything.” Good, now don’t you feel better? In this day and age, most people are afraid of commitment because they don’t like the idea of someone having to count on them. It’s not necessarily the ball and chain theory (though I can relate to that one too), but more it’s the fact that there is someone out there who counts on you to be there for them day and night, 24/7. Who can take the pressure? With all that is happening with the world, people are finding trust to be a difficult barrier when it comes to friendships and relationships. It appears that the only person you can truly count on is yourself (and God, if he’s your co-pilot). I have a hard time trusting people. I have been hurt so many times by friends, co-workers, and men that I don’t let my guard down that easy. I do things for me and only me, and I like it that way.
Many people with commitment fears think this exact same way. We often feel alone in the world and left to fight our own battles. We don’t give in to others as easily because we are afraid of getting hurt. You know what that means, though, don’t you? It means that we commitment lackers are missing out on some wonderful experiences. Counterpoint: we are young and have the rest of our lives to experience the beauty life has to offer. In relationships, the lack of commitment comes from several different areas. One area is the fear of being tied down to one person and not being able to try out other personalities. With the divorce rate reaching 50% these days, the thought of committing to someone and something for so long to only have it become a nasty ownership battle three months later is reason enough to run from the big “C”. Fear of not being able to fulfill the male and female duties that come with each relationship is another reason that people don’t like to commit. They are either afraid of not doing it correctly or they just don’t want to put forth the effort involved.
Ladies, why do you think that a man who has just gotten his heart ripped out by his girlfriend of a year isn’t rushing into your arms? It’s not because he is a jerk who can’t commit, it’s that he is afraid that you might be like the last one and he can’t bear the pain again. Women are the same way; we get our hearts broken and we assume that every man out there is a pig and we contemplate lesbianism until the storm blows over. No one likes to get their hearts broken, and that fear prevents us from committing to another person. Here’s a hot tip for everyone out there that is looking for a commitment: you won’t find one in people with a short attention span. They get tired way too quickly of the same old routine. They need constant change to be happy. I have a short attention span. I have to have jobs that offer a variety of work, I can’t be with a man for more than six months without getting bored with him, and I have to have a pet fish that eats every three days because it would be dead if it relied on a daily diet. One day I’ll settle, and one day, so will men.
Venus Star is a featured columnist for The Louisville Cardinal
