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Well, this semester is very near over and the Cardinal is full of last words and advice and goodbyes. Unfortunately, I don’t have any really. So I will compile bits and pieces from this past semester that just didn’t quite make it .. . articles that never got written, suggestions that never should have been made, more stuff about engineers. It’s last call.

* I had a repeated request for a column about mullets. Okay . . . so what’s up with mullets? Bono had one in the Rattle and Hum days, the only one I can condone. But that was so almost two decades ago. So . . . I don’t have anything else to say about mullets. So quit asking.

* There’s some strange guy wandering about campus fake-punching people in their stomachs and saying “I’m gonna kill your baby.” If you haven’t run into him, don’t worry about it. I hear that he’s graduating. What’s the MATTER with that guy?

* I heard a claim that London has disappearing toilets. They come out at night, apparently to detract people from pissing on the street. In the morning, they are retracted underground. But I’m curious . . . is it the whole stall that appears and disappears? Or just a perfectly visible toilet on the corner of the street? Although if people are comfortable enough to relieve themselves on sides of building, why wouldn’t they do it for an audience? But one more thing . . . if the toilets disappear at sunrise, what if you’re doing your business at the precise instant of dawn? Do you come out in some underground toilet lair?

That’s just scary.

* The new Star Wars toys for Episode 2 are coming out Tuesday at midnight, so I hear. Apparently there is going to be some big rush. I’ve already been harassed by a friend to see what I can pull as a disgruntled Wal-Mart cashier. And here’s the bottom line . . . NOTHING. So don’t ask.

*What’s with some guy’s girlfriend who is so psycho that she emails and instant messages his ex for no known reason? Why should you be that paranoid about him cheating on you? I mean, seriously folks . . . if you don’t trust the guy, ditch him. And if you’re ugly, don’t trust him. And if his ex-girlfriend is me, get a life. But don’t trust him. Especially if he’s an engineer. Because I love an engineer when I see one.

* And as for all the engineers I managed to upset . . . my apologies for all the bad publicity this past semester. Especially to those of you with three nipples.

I’d go on, but I’m lying (not about the nipples, just about being sorry).

* And what’s wrong with N’SYNC? As much criticism as they receive, at the end of the day, when you’re lying alone in bed, sometimes you sing “Dirty Pop”. Admit it. If Lucas would put them back in Star Wars, we could all come together. Star Wars geek and JC freak, side by side just as nature intended.

It’s the beginning of the Geek Outreach Program, originally meant to be initiated by the English majors to bring the recluse engineers back into society to meet some fly people on the other side of Easter Parkway.

Unfortunately, it never got off the ground because the English majors were too busy writing papers for themselves and the engineers. We stand divided still.

Alright, enough is enough. A fine farewell to all of those who are going on to a better place (even if you don’t know where that is, or even if it isn’t a better place.)

And to the rest of you, our journey is not yet over.

Amanda Addison is a sophomore English major and a columnist for The Cardinal. Contact: amanda_addison@louisvillecardinal.com