November 26, 2013

Men should not grow their hair out

By Val Servino–


Growing up, I never imagined long hair would become the thing to have – but then Justin Bieber came along. Maybe it was his Canadian wiles, maybe it was his prepubescent voice, but suddenly every John, Dick, and Stanley was rocking the side-bang.


It got worse.


Bieber cut his hair. The look stayed.


You maybe forgot to schedule your hair appointment that week. Between work and class, it’s understandable. But after week four, the side-bang becomes less of a Justin Bieber and more of a bob, straight out of your mom’s high school yearbook photo. Not a cute look.


If you have any interaction with the male populous, you will know that this is called ‘flow’ or occasionally, ‘lettuce.’ No one is quite sure if this is a subconscious recognition of the innately feminine nature of this odd breed of long-maned men, or simple coincidence.


Speaking as a recovering ‘flower,’ I realize the allure. “If Jeff Bridges does it, why can’t I?” you ask yourself. “Patrick Kane flow will surely make me a better hockey player,” you think – and maybe it’s the placebo effect, but it seems to work for a while.


But contrary to popular belief, you are not Jeff Bridges, nor are you Patrick Kane. Your long hair will not make girls date you, win you a Stanley Cup, or miraculously clear up that acne you’ve been battling since 2005. You may want to call the Proactiv people for that.


At this point, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Screw you, man! It’s my hair!” and that is your prerogative. However, if we’re being honest, girls only look for two things in guys: buzz cuts and six-pack abs. How good are your odds? And employers, well, they care less about core strength and more about professionalism.


Do yourself a favor and chop the ‘lettuce,’ dudes.

This article is in response to an article written on Total Frat Move, which can be found here:

Photo courtesy of

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