By Charles L. Westmoreland
Remember when prime-time television actually aired thought-provoking TV shows? If the 1950s and 1960s are considered the “Golden Age” of television, then we’ve officialR
Rentered the “Guano Age.” The ever-increasing number of “reality TV” shows is sucking the life out of prime-time, replacing quality programming with vapid shows depicting the worst in American character.
What happened to quality screenwriting, interesting plots and good acting? While intellectually stimulating shows like “Arrested Development” and “Carnivale” are canceled for lack of viewers, series like “Trading Spouses” and “Nanny 911” prosper. Worst of all, the premises of the surviving shows are woefully misleading: parents with deviant children don’t need a nanny, they need parenting classes. They certainly don’t need to parade their destructive and thoroughly tedious behavior in front of television viewers
Sure, the first few seasons of MTV’s “The Real World” were entertaining, and the first couple seasons of “Survivor” were perhaps within reason, but reality television has surpassed the bounds of reality and gone straight into impracticality. Stations are turning away from well-scripted, entertaining television and replacing it with mind-numbing, hapless premises they deem entertainment.
At one time (about 12 years ago) “The Real World” featured “real” people. They were just average folks, like you and me, with nothing notable or spectacular about themselves. Nowadays, reality television shows have become a halfway house for Hollywood hopefuls who refuse to let go of their 15 minutes of fame once the season ends. The more memorable ones might end up being cast for an All-Star reunion special while the rest hang around like stray cats, waiting for Alf to surrender his corner spot on Hollywood Squares.
Most frustrating, however, is that society buys into these shows, as though a speck of reality was even present in them. I’ve been around a while, but I’ve never run into a million-dollar mansion housing a suburbanite virgin, militant African-American, sensual lesbian, flamboyant homosexual man, Orange County surfer and brain-dead skater. But if I channel surf long enough I can watch an adaptation of this social wild kingdom virtually anywhere, from MTV to the Discovery Channel, with nothing notable to distinguish one from the other.
Television producers bank on a single characteristic in American society: the love of conflict, and the inability to turn away from it. Reality TV possesses only that one quality, and possesses it in spades. Until we, the viewers, turn off our TVs and put down the remote we’ll continue to be shoveled the same uninspired product. Soon enough, barring a television rebellion, the truly compelling shows will be extinct and we will have no option but to watch egotistical hacks bask in a spotlight that should never have shined on them in the first place.
Taking a cue from the current offerings, I’ve come up with a short list of ideas for new reality television shows. Hey, maybe I’ll send them to Hollywood and see if the networks are intrigued.
The Gosling
A spin-off of “The Swan,” “The Gosling” will feature ugly, overweight children who undergo plastic surgery and liposuction while competing for the chance to earn fortune and fame as the star of a new Nickelodeon series.
Trailer Park Makeover
Not sure how to decorate your double-wide? Let a group of pros step in and construct a mobile mansion-on-wheels.
Big Buddha
Take a squad of Marines and a group of Sunni Muslim extremists, and have them live in a Shaolin temple with Buddhist monks. As an extra twist, watch the violence erupt as household chores are delegated among roommates. (Sad thing is, this show still wouldn’t be as violent as “Big Brother.”)
Cock Walk
This “Contender” spin-off chronicles the life of a hatchling-turned-prize-fighting rooster as it pecks and claws its way through the underworld of Tijuana cockfighting under the tutelage of former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson.
