By Olivia Krauth–

Let me start by saying I’ve had one valentine in my 19 years of living. His name was Winston, and we were 9 years old and in the same fourth grade class. He gave me one of those huge, completely useless teddy bears, which led to a long class lecture about how Valentine’s Day wasn’t about gifts but about love. Our teacher made me give the teddy bear back, and that was the last time a guy ever tried to be my valentine.

A decade later, I’m a junior in college and despite my acutely successful Tinder account, males are hard to attract – especially around Feb. 14. So, I did what every intelligent, semi-lonely, heterosexual female my age would do: I created an online survey for potential valentines. Here’s what I learned:

1. Expect joke entries.

Questions ranged from “Describe your perfect Valentine’s Day date” to “How tall are you?” Out of the 22 responses, a solid 60 percent were joke entries from my sorority littles, friends and one cruel person pretending to be my ex.

2. Your friends–and potential valentines–are probably insane.

Potential dates included everything from dinner at 333 Express to building a toenail church, just to give you an idea of exactly how out of control this thing got. I didn’t expect it to get fake entries, but looking back, that was a serious lapse of judgment on my part.

3. Actually, expect the unexpected in general.

One thing I did plan for was some level of backlash, and waited for insults of “thirsty” and “desperate” to come at me on Twitter. Instead, I got a collective 30 favorites and 6 retweets, leading to an increased clout score and an increased ego.

4. Create a field for contact information…

…And then put a mandatory question asterisk beside it. As of press, my selected valentine hasn’t stepped forward, and due to the semi-anonymous nature of the survey, I don’t have his contact information. Yet another serious lapse in judgment on my end.