Dear Cortnee,
I’m in a relationship with my son’s father and we’ve been together for over three years. Out of nowhere he tells me that he has herpes. He swears that he hasn’t cheated on me, but how have we been together for three years and I haven’t picked up the disease from him. What should I do? What if he’s hasn’t cheated on me and had the disease all this time and knowingly kept it from me?
-A Worried Mother
Dear Worried Mother,
First and foremost, I would go straight to the doctor and make sure you haven’t picked up the disease from him. You have a lot of different options you can choose from, depending on if he cheated on you or not. Let’s say he did cheat on you. What does that mean for your relationship? Are you going to break up with him for cheating on you? There is nothing wrong with that in my opinion, because I believe that once someone has cheated, the relationship is over.
Now let’s say he didn’t cheat on you, like he claims, and has had this disease for three years and chose not to tell you for three years. The fact that he had this disease and did not tell you about it is irresponsible and selfish of him. What if you caught the disease and never noticed it? He was putting your health in danger, which is why it’s important to always ask your partner about their past partners and get tested before getting sexually involved. You can either break up with him because he has lost your trust and was putting your health in danger or choose to stay with him. If you want to stay with him, then you need to decide if you’re willing to change your lifestyle and live with the possibility that you have a good chance of catching the disease yourself. My biggest concern is the fact that he did not tell you that he had herpes and you two have been together for three years. That is a long time to be with someone and not tell him or her about having a disease that could possibly affect you. If he can keep this from you, what else could he be hiding? You just need to decide what is best for you AND your son.
Yours,
Cortnee
