By Lee Cole–
If you’re loading your Netflix que for the first weekend of summer, here are five movies you won’t want on it:
“Birdemic: Shock and Terror”
With a title like “Birdemic,” it’s hard to imagine that this movie could be anything but horrendous. Even without considering the fact that it’s a blatant a rip-off of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic, “The Birds,” “Birdemic” is a flat-out awful movie. The birds themselves look like clip art pasted poorly onto the frames and are about as menacing as the garden variety birds you’d find in an average neighborhood. Combined with the fact that it looks like it was filmed by teenagers who happened upon a camera, “Birdemic” isn’t even bad in a somewhat comedic way. It’s so bad, it’s cringe-worthy.
This movie, starring John Cusack, was actually a pretty big blockbuster at the time and the special effects budget was clearly the main concern in its production, as literally every other aspect (the writing, the acting) is horrible. “2012” gives new meaning to the term “disaster porn,” and one imagines that the target audience was the same as the target audience for those History Channel specials that all seem to be about some combination of ancient aliens, Nostradamus and end-time prophecies. The death count is literally billions of people, but somehow John Cusack manages to survive along with his family. Their journey is surprisingly lighthearted for the amount of death and destruction taking place all around them and this adds a comedic element to one of Netflix’s worst movies.
“Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2”
The original “Baby Geniuses” was pretty terrible, and it’s unclear exactly who decided that a sequel was necessary. We can only assume that there were too many unresolved issues in the original that had to be addressed in the sequel. But unlike with “The Godfather” and “Star Wars,” the sequel does not top the original. The plot involves a media mogul trying to decipher baby talk, the language with which the baby geniuses communicate. Obviously, the babies have to stop this from occurring and protect their closely guarded secret.
“Troll 2” is widely regarded as the worst film ever made. In recent years, it has developed a cult following, and the film has been shown in midnight screenings full of fans who quote their favorite scenes. The reasons for it being considered so bad are numerous. First of all, there are no actual trolls in the movie; instead, the plot features vegetarian goblins who attempt to turn unwitting victims into plants so they can be eaten. “Troll 2” is one of those rare gems that is so terrible, it actually has comedic effect.
“One Tough Cop”
Stephen Baldwin is in the interesting position of being the mediocre Baldwin brother – he’s not as good as Alec, but he’s much better than Billy. Still, his 1998 crime/action flick “One Tough Cop,” has to be one of the cheesiest cop films ever made. Baldwin’s character, named Bo Dietl (I know, who has a name like that?), is a loose-cannon cop trying to track down a nun’s killer in New York City. The part is so over-acted by Baldwin, and the film takes itself so seriously, that it transcends it cheesy-ness and becomes comedic gold. One particularly memorable scene involves Baldwin hitting a man in the face with a metal trashcan lid more times than any normal human could survive, and then having a polite discussion with him afterwards, as if nothing happened. If you’re scouring Netflix for an awesomely bad movie, look no further than “One Tough Cop.”
Photo courtesy Moviehead Pictures