Relationships for dummies

By on February 14, 2012

By Nathan Gardner, Marianna Michael, Caitlin Crenshaw and Anna Meany–

To women:

Rule 1: Stop playing mind games.

We aren’t psychic. If you want something, tell us. Don’t say, “Oh, I don’t really care if we see a movie tonight,” and then blow up at 11:30 p.m. because you didn’t get to see Ryan Gosling take his shirt off on a 25-foot screen while stuffing your face with buttery popcorn and a five-gallon Coke.

Rule 2: No double standards.
Despite our beautifully sculpted bodies and hard exteriors, we get jealous too. Don’t get mad when we grab a bite to eat with our girl friends and then argue that it’s perfectly okay for you to have coffee with a guy friend. You can’t give us a set of rules that don’t apply to you.

Rule 3: Be confident.

We don’t want to hear that you need to lose 10 pounds. Look at us. With our hairy backs and man boobs, we feel pretty dang lucky to get a girl as hot as you. Quit complaining about your body and flaunt what you’ve got.

To men:

Rule 1: R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
If you want a chance with a good girl, you have to separate yourself from the pack. Don’t be the d-bag that lets the door slam in my face. Kiss our foreheads and stand on the side nearest the street on a sidewalk. Girls notice those things! We want you to be the man in the relationship, so act like it!

Rule 2: Be interested, not interesting.
Unfortunately for men, we’re mostly selfish creatures that share an undying need to be noticed. Here’s a tip: women love to talk about themselves! Earn even more brownie points by showing us your memory – many men seem to lack that. And if you’re not genuinely interested in getting to know us, be polite and let us go.

Rule 3: Keep it classy.

Trusting you might be a mistake, but if a girl does, don’t give her a reason not to. Don’t turn into a drunk slut. Getting touchy with her best friends is never a good idea. Use common sense, boys.

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Photo/Flickr: barbtrek

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