By Brian Shosten
Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly okay for one to spread “God’s word” and one has every right in the world to be on campus doing Gods work. But, if you believe you can tell me what to think, I believe that I can tell you where to go. Jesus loves you — I don’t.
I haven’t had the proper mixture of alcohol and drugs with a side order of abusive parents (seems to be the magic “born-again” formula). I’m not looking for “any port in the storm,” sorry. Don’t preach on my campus, and I won’t think in your church how about that?
The tactics the religion salesmen use on campus are manipulation at best and laughable at worst. I mean, daring someone to find God? Come on… Why even say, “Hi, how are you?” That gives you away! Stop trying to recruit me. Besides, God is much to busy helping wide receivers catch touchdowns. He musn’t be bothered.
Listening to some burnout talk about how everyone is going to hell, and sticking a pen in my eye socket both have equal appeal to me. Personally, I think we need a moment of SCIENCE in the classroom, but I’m not ready to dedicate the rest of my life to a personal crusade against it. I simply don’t care what you think, in some circles that’s referred to as “reasonable.”
Why people sit and argue with the noblemen who graze the camps in hopes of finding a new recruit is beyond me. If you ask them a question about life, don’t expect to get anywhere close to a satisfactory answer; it won’t happen. If their life turned out anywhere close to where they wanted it to be, do you think they would be standing before you? L, no!
Faith isn’t based on logic, so I guess I shouldn’t expect the argument to be. I’m here to say that I’ve had sex, and I’m not married. Hell, I don’t even have a girlfriend! The notion that I’m going to be bunking with Hitler in hell because I charged the mound one night is laughable. I figure as long as I don’t kill anyone and don’t commit crimes I should be okay. If I do go to hell, I’m going to form a fraternity. I don’t want to be pedophiles, rapist, and murderers. There’s a lot of riff-raft down there.
“Repent!” That’s BS if you can be a criminal and treat people like crap your whole life, then sneak into heaven on a technicality. No, you’re going to hell. You can spin it anyway you want, but pack for heat. How about just not be a criminal in the first place? That way I can leave my damn car door unlocked during the middle of the day in front of my house.
What Jesus is to you, the first amendment is to me. If you are deeply religious, who cares what I say? After all, he’s your god, and they’re your rules, so you can go to hell.
Brian Shosten is a senior political science major and a columnist for The Louisville Cardinal.
