By Anna Meany
Have you college students no manners? Keep your sloppy, sopping excuse for displays of affection out of sight. I shouldn’t be forced to watch almost pornographic activity on my way to English class. But don’t write me off as a bitter old woman. I feel like a lot of University of Louisville students feel the same way. We’re quite disgusted with your obsessive, continual physical attacks on your boyfriend.
When you’re spoon-feeding your man with WestSide’s dinner special, you should seek treatment. Have you noticed groups of students giving you funny looks? We aren’t looking at both of you, longing for a connection like yours. We’re judging and questioning your sanity. And we also have a small inclination to vomit.
Although this public service announcement is directed mainly at the ladies of U of L, men are equally as guilty for showing the love. Slapping the rear of your significant other – who’s only been called such for two weeks – isn’t quite as awesome as you might think.
Your Facebook status may be “In a Relationship.” If you feel the need to brag about your dreamy boyfriend online, I’m already annoyed. Your Facebook-official relationship can’t possibly be that serious if you have to prove to the entire cyber world that you love each other. I’d prefer my newsfeed not be clogged with your sappy love story.
There are exceptions though. If that kid from biology is hitting on you, grab your boyfriend and land a huge wet one on him to show your love. There’s also no shame in grabbing your beau at a party to steer the creepers away. Of course, a peck is totally fine and not disgusting at all. I’m not trying to sound like a complete prude. I would just rather not see your tongue devouring his face on my walk to lunch. Minimal hand holding is also acceptable, but don’t go super-gluing your hand to his.
It’s as if we live in some ridiculous hippie commune where everyone is doped up on drugs and we can’t help but touch each other. I’m sure that my grandmother would blame the music and the lack of morality in kids these days for the incessant groping. It really makes me think: How did society change to allow such obvious public displays of affection?
Have you ever read “The Awakening”? Kate Chopin, as controversial of a novelist as she was, couldn’t explicitly describe Edna’s love affair. In the early 1900s, physical expression was sheltered from society, especially in writing. What’s got us so comfortable with ourselves these days?
Perhaps it’s the warmer weather that’s got everyone buzzing. No matter gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, vegetarian or Episcopalian: Keep your loving in private.
