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Extended rants and bitter diatribes
By Eric Groves Eric Groves
A student (and I can concur she is a reputable source) has reported that not one, but two books she recently attempted to check out weren’t in the library anywhere. The computer showed they were on the shelf, she checked the Re-shelving room, and even filled out one of those handy green cards at the info desk. (A far more meticulous search than yours truly would have conducted.) Later, she went back to the database only to find the books were listed as “missing!” Holy Cats! Call Fox Mulder! Call the Milk Carton industry! How does a library-you know, a place that catalogues books-lose two books? And what are the chances that dozens more are missing if these two specific books on the same subject were nowhere to be found? The sock monster is the only explanation. Maybe there’s just more protein in paperbacks. The good news is the library will re-order the missing books and replace the ones the sock monster devoured.
*With our new “improved” (snicker) merged government drawing nigh, I thought I’d take some time out from my Sunday morning/afternoon ritual and study up on the candidates and their respective policies. (And believe me, when I say ritual, I mean it. Sleeping late, sipping an entire pot of coffee, reading through the entire local fish wrap, and not even considering anything constructive until 1:00 is gospel at my house.) Luckily for me, breaking the ritual never materialized because the CJ was good enough to print a detailed list of each district’s candidates and each one’s political dogma. It didn’t take me long to realize why about 99% of American’s are positively apathetic about our current political system. The candidates are all the same, and they’re all full of bologna!
The paper posed the same two questions to each candidate: what would be your chief priority as a new member and what are the crucial issues facing the new government? The standard rhetorical responses were so predictable, I answered them before I had even read one of them! “Ensure a smooth transition into the new government without raising taxes.” Uh, gee, geniuses, ya think? That’s should be the goal of all the candidates, but how about informing the commoners HOW you plan to do that! How about some details! Is that too difficult to ask? We simps here in the masses aren’t looking for the next Abe Lincoln, nor are we looking for the same tired, re-hashed, rhetoric that has become the staple of American politics: smiles, phony courtesy handshakes, and lies. We want truth, we want legitimate answers, and we want some accountability. We want your actions to mirror your pre-election promises. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is. Look at the bozo that occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in D.C. for the answer to that question.
Eric Groves is a junior English major and columnist for the Cardinal.