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While on vacation this summer, I was looking around in a store that sold T-shirts with tag lines and jokes on them, and I found a shirt that said, "My girlfriend makes love while I f*** her." I was disgusted; how rude and inconsiderate. Then this woman walked up and said, "I should get that for my boyfriend." I paused, blinked a few times, and started to laugh. Was she really OK with that thought? Was she alright thinking that while she was in the passionate lovemaking process, all her boyfriend thought of it was just an evening f***? Well, let me tell you, it opened my eyes to a whole other world.
One of my friends would have seen that shirt and cursed at it, snarling at her fianceĊ½, warning him to never let those words cross his mind. They have some issues that need to be resolved before they tie the knot next year. This woman, on the other hand, whom I questioned about her response and who gave me a very thorough answer, is deeply in love with a man who lives about 500 miles away. They are happily in love, and if they weren't in bad financial shape, they would be married. The difference between this woman and my friend is knowing when to let things slide.
In this column I have two lessons to teach, one to the men and one to the women. If you can master this, your sex life will be amazing and your relationships will improve.
Ladies first: women need to learn when to let a man get away with male habits. Let's take a look at the previous example with my friend. She would be so angry at her fiance if he told her that he sometimes just has sex with her because of his animal desire rather than to make love to her. She would even go as far as to call off the wedding over this. Ridiculous, isn't it? Well, it's because she feels that he should be devoted to her every need, whether it be her need to make love or her need to have him think of her when he goes to get lunch. She, along with millions of other women out there, has this disease I like to call "The Me, Me, Me Syndrome." It's this disease, contracted at a young age and often blamed on the parents, that causes a person to want everyone to focus on them and do everything in their name. There isn't a man out there (OK, maybe a few) that is actually that perceptive to a woman's every need. Women need to learn to let things slide, and in return, there will be less fights and less lonely nights. So what if he wants to go to Hooters with the guys? Let him go: he will love you more in the long run for trusting him. So what if he only wants to bang that night rather than make sweet love till the sun rises? And so what if he wants to be a man, for God's sake, and occasionally do stupid male things? The more you let the little things slide, the easier it is to nag at him for doing the seriously stupid stuff. Relax a little, let him get away with it, and the relationship will get better. In other words, for those of you who still don't get it, don't expect so much out of him. Men are programmed to only think of themselves.
Men, your turn. I am sorry to place all of you in the same category here, but I know that the majority of you only want sex. Sex in the morning, sex in the afternoon, sex in the evening, and sometimes, if you happen to wake up, sex in the middle of the night. I know exactly how you can get sex often. It's all about the little things. First of all, make her think that the sex, every time, means something special to you. Hold her after it is over, for five minutes minimum (if you are laying down) and tell her that it was great (even if it was only mediocre: if it sucks, maybe you need to rethink this relationship).
If you are in a serious relationship, make her think that you are making love, because the more "love" you make, the more she is going to want to do it. Be there for her when she needs you, and be receptive to these times. You are not going to know that she needs you unless you pick up on the body language. If she associates you with comfort, then she will associate other things that you share with comfort. Soon, when she is feeling upset, sex might just be the thing to lift her spirits. Before you know it, men, you are getting what you want and she is getting what she wants.
The lesson learned here is that we all have to make little sacrifices to get what we want. Women, to have a better relationship with your man, learn to let him be a man and let him do those typical male things that make him happy. Men, be there for your woman and make an effort to understand her, listening to her when she talks and taking care of her when she needs it. Both of you will get a big reward.
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